Frenchy's Custom Knives and Sticks - help for serving and ex-serving HM Forces

As most ex-members of the British Armed Forces will tell you,

"My service days were the best years of my life..."

Notwithstanding some difficult situations, my army days were indeed the best years of my life. There are a lot of things one misses after leaving the army and on top of the list, for me at least, was the sense of belonging and the pride and honour in serving my Country alongside men the likes of whom I have never come across since. I've have been privileged to have served with quite a few Units, but, in all fairness, the most memorable time was when I was a member of C Bty RHA, where I got my nickname of 'Frenchy' from.

The friendship with my best ever friend, Dave (Geordie) Lisle, was formed during our army service. I have come to realise that there is and will always be a special bond between service men and women, a bond that is hard to explain to or be understood by civilians regardless of their good intentions. With hindsight I believe that I now know why special friendships form, the type of friendships that neither time nor distance seem to affect, except for making the bond stronger. I believe that really good friendships are formed when the protagonists not only share in the good times, but more importantly, they endure the hardships and difficulties where trust, loyalty and dependability are tested to the limit. Add to this equation 'depravation' and life threatening experiences' which are the norm during Active Service, then the result is a very special bond indeed that only those 'have been there' truly understand.

I have quite a few mates, a few are even good friends. But, I've only ever had one special good friend, Davey (Geordie) Lisle...

I want to make it clear that I don't lay claim to being a literary anything. So, if anyone expects me to be all apologetic about my incoherence, grammar and lack of eloquence, than they can wait until whenever. I very much hope that what I have to say is taken in the spirit and 'help value' intended rather then anything else.

As in Civvy street, life in the Services has its good and bad points. Generally speaking though, the good and the bad points in Civvy street are often unpredictable, random and chaotic. While in the Services, what with all that training and brainwashing, the chaos is better organised and you are better able to cope because you can depend on those around you! In may respects you're better off in the Services, but the longer you serve the more brainwashed you become, to the extent that you start to believe that you're the bees-knees and no matter what happens, you'll cope with anything that life throws at you.

If you're currently serving and the sort of 'up your own arse invincible type' then I feel sorry for you because if you come upon on hard times in civvy street, you'll most probably suffer the most. Let me tell you matey, even the average civvy is far more adaptable to coping in civvy street then you think you'll ever be. The system you know is far removed from the system you'll eventually have to go into when you leave the service. In fact, the Service culture and Civvy culture are far removed from each other. The training you receive in the armed forces is geared to prepare you well for adapting to the 'Service Culture' where everything is clear cut with no grey areas. Unfortunately, when the time comes for you to leave the service, nothing is done to train you to become a civvy again - today you're in the army, tomorrow you're not! Physically released, but mentally you're definitely not...

During a posting to Devizes, I asked for and was granted permission to do voluntary nursing work at Roundway Hospital (a mental health institution). What surprised me most was the fact that that most of the inmates were ex-servicemen who were of high rank and been awarded their long service medal and than some. I remember one ex-RSM in particular because he was a giant of a man, but in spite of his glorious past, there he was in a not too good a situation... Servicemen and Civvies alike, nobody is immune to physical and/or mental health issues.

Fortunately for many a service man/woman, do well adjusting to civvy street and go on to have a very satisfying and fulfilling life with scant interest in their past service life. Well, at least until they are past their mid-life crises and starting to feel a bit stiff, not as agile as they once were and in all probability, would easily qualify for membership to the 'grumpy old farts' club! It's then you start to wonder where so and so is, and what about that bastard of a Sergeant Major that gave you a hard time!? Where are they now and what are they doing? In my case i decided to do a bit of research and found out some nice things, but also some unpleasant things as well. So and so is dead, what's his name had a stroke, he's divorced, his wife died, he's in a wheelchair and so on it goes. It seems that only you are left with all your parts intact and doing OK - or maybe not, but hiding the facts pretty well.

Anyway, I seem to have digressed a bit there, so let me gat back and try to define the main groups of service people on the verge of leaving the services.

In my view, generally speaking, there are three types of ex-Service people:

1. Those who leave the Services, mostly having served for a very short time and/or not having been further then the Ranges gunfire wise. This type has a good chance of settling down within a short time and adapt to life in Civvy Street with little difficulty.

2. Those who have served a few years and/or have seen some active service find it a bit more difficult and might never quite settle, going from job to job and even place to place, until eventually they resign themselves to the situation and sort of settle down and exist rather than live.

3. Those who have served a few years and have seen quite a bit of active service and may have also been witness to or been injured in some way. These are often the ones that can only relate to other ex-service personnel and then only under certain circumstances. Many of this type find it almost impossible to relate to the real world of civvy street. They still expect everything to be 'just so', very 'black and white' and will not tolerate fools or compromise on their stance easily. When they do settle into a job they feel the need to be trusted and valued.

What I have to say on this page is addressed to all the above three groups because it is a very real possibility that ex-service personnel can start off relating to group 1 and, on account of some extenuating event or circumstance during or after service, end up relating more to 2 or even 3 within a very short space of time, but not necessarily so. Some of you reading this will know exactly what I mean by this.

Moreover, I'm not just concentrating on the ex-service men/women, but on serving members as well. To be forewarned is to be forearmed! The reason for this is to help prepare those who while serving are young, fit and think themselves as invincible (in other words 'full of it... just like me and my mates were' some years back) and come the day, they find themselves outside the insular world that is service life/culture. I know all too well that, when in absolute rude health and fighting fit, it is very difficult to accept that you might, one day, end up all screwed up mentally and physically through no fault of your. The saddest part is that should you be so unfortunate as to experience such problems, you must prepare yourself for more than a radical culture shock when you rejoin civvy street. The fact is that 'The Health and Social System', for what it's worth nowadays, is geared for civvies and not ex-servicemen!!!

It's not all doom and gloom however, as there is a scattering of support dedicated to helping the ex-serviceman at both health and social levels - although as far as I'm aware they're all registered Charities! Which just goes to show you what little value and importance the Government attributes to the Armed Services during and after service.

I'm not going to dwell too much at this point on my personal situation in relation to the ins and outs of Service life and my civvy life since I left the Army. However, what I have to say is not only based on my own I personal experiences, I am also still in contact with enough of my ex-army mates and, I do try and keep myself informed with what's going on in the real and surreal world of political skulduggery that impacts on our serving and past serving members in some way or other.

I believe that it would take something really special or a drastic life threatening situation for an ex-service or a serving man/women to admit that they are experiencing personal difficulties and need help as a consequence. The normal reaction to such adverse situations is to continue to 'soldier on' regardless! It's mostly pride, but whatever the real reason is, I bet all I've got that there are many who would think it a great weakness and dishonourable to admit to suffering from any form of social and/or mental health issue.

Many bear external wounds with pride, but not so the mental scars that haunt them... Call them what you like, 'The not Dead', 'The walking Wounded' etc. There are more serving and ex-serving members of our armed forces who suffer from some form of mental health problem than many people realise. But then who cares anyway - not our politicians that's for sure!

The 'Walking Wounded' have at least one thing in common, and that is that they're very frustrated at the heartless treatment meted to them by Government organisations that are supposed to help! It's quite a traumatic experience in itself trying to get some level of one's entitlement, never mind the full entitlement! It seems that the powers that be put so many obstacles in your way that the intention is to force you to give up trying to claim what is rightfully yours. All I can say is bollocks to them, you must persevere and if you don't get what you know is yours by right, appeal, appeal, appeal!!!

As you will be able to ascertain by the time you read through this lot, I never did conform to any one of the above groups in particular. I went up and down between group 1 and 3 like a yo-yo and right now I'm at the extreme end of group 3. Some of my mates went through similar experiences as well. When one is young and fit, challenges are there to be overcome and problems are soon forgotten. When one is older, even if fairly fit, what was once easy-peasy can often become an impossibility. Worse still is when one is older and suffering from physical and mental health problems combined - then everything seems to be impossible even when in reality it might well not be. If you or someone you know is in this seemingly hopeless situation, please do not lose hope as you're not alone...

It was not too long ago that I thought my life was finished, I felt I was only fit for the scrapheap. I had a good Army life and although I had a shaky start in Civvy street I did manage to get my act together and achieve some notable things. Then I fell ill and that was the beginning of my downward spiral into despair and worse. I went through (and still do, but less often) all sorts of negative emotions and physical hurt that leaves me feeling debilitated for days on end. The overriding feelings were of confusion, frustration, anger and other not so pleasant experiences that at times made me feel that life just wasn't worth living. I still have my bad days during which I can't do anything but feel sorry for myself! How can it be? How can someone be at his peak one day and within a very short time descends into a living hell?! Many a question as to the why and wherefore come to mind, but answers evaded me and nothing made sense. This went on for over three years and with some medical help from my Doctor, both my physical and mental situation improved to a level were I could actually think a little bit more constructively.

What's the solution? I wish I knew. But wait a second, read on please. What has helped me and still does, is quite simple - regaining the sense of hope and being grateful for all the good things I have is part of the solution. I don't have the words; Faith, Hope and Charity' on the first page of this website for nothing. It's a reminder for me not to lose hope even if at any one time I'm feeling so low that I feel that only death would solve my problems. I have notelets stuck on the wall saying things like; 'No matter how hard it gets, I'm going to make it' and ' There is a just and happy solution to my problems'. There are other things I do as well and you're looking at it - this website and the knives and sticks I make. I have to help myself in any way I can, even though clinically I might not be going the right way about it.

OK, I admit it's not the best of solutions, and neither will I be better as if by magic by immersing myself and loving what I do. But I always have something to look forward to and so far, touch wood, I've managed to overcome most of the day-to-day associated problems that are part and parcel of running such a personal service like I do. At least I don't have the hassle or have to take any shit from people who don't know their arses from their elbows anymore. By focusing on something that means a lot to me is in itself very therapeutic and as a result, even when I feel pretty useless I can always find something to do. How do you think I find the time to work on my website? I do it when I can't do much else physically - and that too is therapeutic for me. Sometimes I'm a bit obstinate and force myself to work on the knives, but as my scars bears testimony, red is the predominant colour at such times!!!

So I'd say the first step is to admit that there's something wrong with you and seek proper help. But, and it's a big but, don't get too frustrated or give up entirely just because the help you need is not being provided to you by the mainstream NHS service. It's not their fault, it's just the way the system is - good in some areas and mediocre in others. Accept that fact! The NHS is geared towards dealing with, to put it bluntly, 'normal' people. As an ex-service person, especially if you were on active service, you may need additional professional help that can only be supplied through organisations run by ex-service people for ex-service people, if you get my meaning.

When I fell ill, I like many I'm sure, attributed my conditions to the stressful working environment I was in at the time. Now this happened on four separate occasions, each involving a different job. As my last 'burn out' was the biggest of them all, I naturally assumed that I was going nuts and was nothing but a loser. My self esteem couldn't have been any lower. For a long time I thought it's all in the mind and I'll work it all out with a positive mental regimen, hence refusing to admit there was something really wrong and that I needed proper treatment of some sort. I changed jobs and eventually accepted the fact that some medication was called for. But things never got better, in fact I've actually got worse since leaving my last job! I still couldn't fathom out why I was feeling so poorly and then one day I get an e-mail from an old army mate of mine (let's call him P) who explained to me that it's possible that what I was suffering from was PTSD harking back to my army days.

Yes, 'P' explained, even though I've left the army back in 1984 after 18 years of service. I was sceptical at first because the serious nightmares and flashbacks I experienced very early on after I left the army and these subsided in time to just nightmares as time passed.

He admitted to me that what I was going through is what he and many others like us went through - I might have felt as if i was all alone, but in fact I wasn't. I always felt that there was some hope of things getting better for me; now I had something else to help me thanks to my old army pal 'P'. I so wish that my best friend Geordie (Dave Lisle to whom this site is dedicated) had known before he died as he too was having problems. I had nothing to lose but take a similar path as 'P' suggested. Better late than never... Things are on-going of course, but I'm even more hopeful now and I consider myself very lucky to at least be able to do what I do and I've lots more to look forward to. Some ex-service folk haven't been as lucky as me, but I hope that they can secure some comfort and relief to know that they're not alone and help is available outside the basic NHS system - all they have to do is ask...

I hope that the following message gets to the people who need it most...

If you've been in the armed forces, especially if you have seen active service, and are suffering from any form of mental health issue, do not continue to suffer in silence! Even of you are too proud to admit that you need help, please consider those around you, who love and care for you. They too will be suffering on account that they feel deeply for you and your hurt is their hurt too.

The sooner you act, the sooner you'll feel better in yourself. As my mate 'P' and I will tell you, don't ever lose hope because there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. So make a start and see for yourself how far you can go in a short space of time.

You may or may not suffer from Combat Stress related PTSD. But why live in doubt and misery when you could be better off for finding out from a dedicated professional organisation.

Please feel free to contact me if you feel I can be of any help with relevant information.

Tips meant to help ensure that present serving members take every necessary step to protect their rights and at the same safeguard their future wellbeing after leaving the armed forces.

1. You are young and fighting fit now. But do you know what to expect if you were to be physically injured and/or end up suffering with a mental health issue?

Answer: Initially you'll get fairly good treatment while still in the services. However, once you're in Civvy street you may well become frustrated and easily feel that you're all alone in this world as nobody around you has any idea what you're going through. You're not imagining things, those feeling of abandonment are fact based because you're just one of many thousands who the inadequate NHS system has to cope with.

Two things to bear in mind though. Firstly, , those around you who love and care for you won't turn their backs on you unless you push them to the point of breaking by hurting and disrespecting them. It's not their fault for the way the system doesn't work in your favour - so please try not to make them feel guilty or unhappy more than they already are.

The second point is that you must seek help through the normal NHS system first. Either at the same time or whenever you need to, seek help from ex-forces organisations according to your needs. There's a fair amount of help you can get from people who have endured plenty to be able to understand and tailor their help to your needs. I promise you, you'll feel very comfortable in the presence of ex-servicemen who have gone through hell and back. It might even make you feel as if your situation is nothing compared to theirs. Don't feel bad about it, just accept their help as graciously as they wish to give it.

2. As a serving member you might suffer some form of injury, which at the time might not appear worth worrying about and as a consequence you don't even bother to report sick with it. I'm not talking about a broken fingernail here pal or a simple superficial graze, but something like a sprained joint or hard blow to the ankles, knees, hip, back, elbow groin, etc. You know, the bits and pieces you'll still need when you're out in civvy street. Go on, how many times you've been hurt and thought nothing of it as it mended OK (or so you think) in a day or two? Oh, and yes, any injury that you may suffer during organised army sporting activities, like a kick in the head or goolies from your mates. It's all exciting stuff and most probably you'll all have a great laugh about it at the time, but...

Answer: Don't be a hero matey, report sick with your injury, not only to get appropriate treatment or skive off some unpleasant chore , but to make sure it's recorded for posterity on your FMed 6 (or whatever they're using now). It's no laughing matter I can assure you! Hell, I was a medic for a few years and should have known better, but I was fairly tough and believed myself indestructible in those days - but with the wisdom of hindsight I can assure you I was a right idiot! Thank god in a way that I was hospitalised when I hurt my back and eventually Spondylosis set in years later or I wouldn't have had any chance of being awarded a war pension (which the State claws back by the way and lets me keep just �10 - is that shit or what?!). So, if in doubt, check it out and get it wrote for your future's wellbeing sake.

3. Nearly all those who were due to leave the army were looking forward to civvy street. I couldn't wait, having long wished to rebel a little by growing my hair and a beard - managed the beard, but couldn't stand long hair!

Answer: Anyway, the point is that before you leave you'll undergo a release medical. Of all the medicals you're likely to have, you must treat this one as very very special indeed. This is it, if you're ever to have to claim anything on the basis of what is contained in your service record, your medical record is of the utmost importance! When compared to your FMed 256 and it's contents, the Red Discharge book is worth zilch matey! Now it's even more important then ever before, because they have changed the war pension rules to suit them (the politicians and bureaucrats I mean) and make our life even more difficult than it already is. Basically, all I'm saying is that you should take the opportunity during your Release medical to make sure that if there is anything slightly wrong with you, physically and/or mentally, get it down on record. By the way, pointless cheating or lying at this stage, so don't do it as it could work against you in the long run especially if you try to be extra clever and try to bluff the Audiometric test for xample. If you're fit, you're fit; if not, then say so.

4. Why haven't I listed the organisations that could possibly be of help to others in a similar situation to me?

Answer: First and foremost I don't know them all and one would be better served by doing their own research or seek assistance from someone who can. Secondly, it's a complex business and no two cases are ever the same. Similar in many respects perhaps, but we're all different and as a consequence I feel it would be patronising of me to assume that I know exactly what and how you feel. Another thing, being in not so good a state myself, I'm not in a position to clinically help anyone beyond listening and directing you to the right source. I'm very wary of people who tend to nod their condescending head to every vague statement I make in connection with my physical and mental health problem - how the hell do they know how I feel inside and the level of excruciating pain I have to endure every minute of my day! I'm sorry and all that, but some things are best left to the individual to sort out in his/her way, even if it means that mistakes are made in the process and things might get worse before they get better.

What I want to emphasise is that help is available and should be sought appropriate to one's needs. I personally find that it's more meaningful and beneficial to me when I'm able to contribute something, no matter how little, positive in my efforts towards healing myself. I never said it's easy; but it's worth having a go however short or long the feeling of wellbeing and peace of mind is. What seems to work best for me is to immerse myself in my hobby. I don't go out unless I have to and I don't socialise either. I'm at my most creative when I'm feeling down and unlike most painters, the work I end up doing is quite the opposite of how I feel inside myself. If you check through this site, it shouldn't take much to recognise the items I made on the 'bad days'. If someone said to me a few years ago that I'd be doing what I'm doing now I would have laughed it off. Making things is a proven therapeutic technique, during which process you'll get a chance to think and over time what seemed insurmountable begins to fade into insignificance, however temporary the respite is. My process is ongoing, but at least I got to the stage where I can say; "No matter how hard it is, no matter how hard it gets, I'm going to make it" -and I hope that you get to that stage and beyond too...

PLEASE NOTE: If you or someone you know is in need of help in connection to the content of this page, you are welcome to contact me of course. Please remember though, that I'm not a professional and have my own health demons to deal with. I wrote this page full of stuff on the spur of the moment, not only because I wanted to pass on a message of hope to those who may benefit from it, but I've also been able to give vent to some of my own pent up feelings. Believe me, it's not been all that easy doing this, as my efforts have been interrupted several times with tears, bad memories, self pity and anger. I persevered nevertheless because I believe that someone, somewhere could benefit from this...

Thank you for putting up with my ramblings - Frenchy